Pirates 17: The Ice Cream Expedition
by ALCORE MORTIS
Summary: ONESHOT. Alcore, Mortis, and a certain Commodore go on a search for ice in order to make the tasty treat... What adventures await. Norrington OOC. Rated T for character death. Don't own Spielberg. This makes fun of everything and those who can't write. Ra


Summary: A thrilling tale that follows Alcore, Mortis, and Commodore Norrington, in their search for the summer's most precious commodity…ice.

Disclaimer: We do not own Commodore Norrington, even though we wish we did (ugh).

Author's Note: This story is entirely factual. (sort of, they were slightly sugar high while writing, thus, they may have exaggerated a little teeny tiny bit)

It was a bright and sunny day. The sun beat down on Alcore and Mortis like a Congo drum. The pool was too wet for swimming, and the air conditioner was broken. Even the handheld Japanese fans were beginning to develop holes in them from overuse. Alcore and Mortis were fed up with the heat.

"Let's make ice cream!" they shouted, while waving their arms in the air.

"Hey," Alcore said, "I have an ice cream maker."

"Yay!" Mortis shouted, "but it looks confusing, how do you use it?" Alcore had taken out a blue ball that seemingly had no purpose other than to play catch with it.

"Well," Alcore explained, "There is a canister inside of this ball. You put the ingredients in the canister and seal it. Then, you fill the rest of the ball with ice and salt."

"Why salt?' the dense Mortis asked.

"Because…uh…never mind." Alcore said, rolling her eyes.

The pair began to mix the ice cream. They shook the blue sphere that mixed the ingredients. With each shake the ice cream became more solid and creamier. But alas, all of a sudden, by looking through the plastic ball, Alcore and Mortis determined that the ice was melting at such a fast rate that all the ice would be gone before the ice cream was finished.

"Oh no!" Mortis yelled, "Quickly! Fill it up with more ice!"

"But we used the last of the ice already!" Alcore explained.

"Noooooo!" Mortis exclaimed.

"What shall we do?" Alcore asked rhetorically.

All of a sudden the water in the pool began to swirl until it became a giant whirlpool. Out popped Commodore Norrington.

"I have the answer!" he yelled (didn't see that coming, did'ja?).

"You must venture out into the blazing hot sun and get some ice from your neighbors. That is the only way." Commodore Norrington said.

"Alrighty then," Alcore replied, "Let us venture out into the dead of summer."

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Alcore, Mortis, and Commodore Norrington decided to go to Mrs. Smithers, a kindly old lady who lived around the block. It only took a few minutes to get there, but by the time they arrived all of the ice had melted and they were left with only slush. Mortis tentatively went up and rapped on her door. Nothing happened. Alcore rang the door bell. Nothing happened. Commodore Norrington yelled "Let us in, you hag!" Nothing happened.

"Well," the Commodore said, "I guess she's not here."

"Wahh! I WANT ME ICE CREAM!" the very annoying Mortis yelled.

"Oh shut-up!" Alcore yelled, "You grammatically challenged individual."

"Obviously we need to go to another house," the Commodore said.

"Hey…" Alcore said, " Steven Spielberg lives on our block,.We can go get ice from him."

"Ya know," Mortis said, "I saw the greatest shirt today. It said 'My imaginary friend thinks you have mental issues.'"

Alcore ignored her "friend," and spoke to Commodore Norrington, "Let's go."

Several minutes later, they arrived at Steven's mansion. They knocked on the door. Nothing happened. Kjdgeghgug . (Sorry, typo.). Gathering experience from the last time they tried such a maneuver, they instead peered through the glass window in the door.

"Ugh. There's feet on the mantle piece," said the Commodore, backing away in repulsion.

"Really? Lemme see!" Mortis whined.

"What did I tell you about using proper grammar? Look, it's obvious that he's not here. Let's move on. I have a friend, Suzy Snowflake, who lives a couple blocks away who might have ice," Alcore said.

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After about ten minutes, the trio arrived at Suzy Snowflake's house. They barely knocked on the door when it opened and Suzy answered.

"WE WANT ICE!" Mortis yelled.

"Hello Suzy! I was just wondering if we could have some of your ice," said Alcore, in a slightly more dignified tone of voice.

"We would bring you back some ice cream if you lent us the ice," said Commodore Norrington.

"No, it's okay, I don't need ice cream. But, I do have ice. Help yourself.'

Alcore, Mortis, and the Commodore did help themselves. And, thanks to the generosity of Suzy Snowflake, they were able to eat ice cream that afternoon.

ALTERNATE ENDING: After the ice cream, Commodore Norrington had to go back through the whirlpool. After he had entered, Mortis, being Mortis, followed, and drowned in the whirlpool. Alcore laughed so hard that she forgot to be sad.

THE END

Authors' Note: Mortis would like to say that she really didn't die and is feeling better after drowning.


End file.
